The Courage to Let Go

Sitting in reflection at the start of a new year, I’m reminded of a phrase that first entered my mind a few years ago… “this is my ONE life!”

The first time I grabbed onto those words, they were a like a lifeline in some very rough seas. In that season of life, I had experienced severe burnout and a resulting breakdown that left me unable to function. It was a pivotal and defining moment that changed the fabric of my life.

You can read parts of my testimony in previous posts, but to make a long story short, because of a strong root of fear in my life – and a long relationship with depression and anxiety – I functioned through control and perfectionism. The extreme need to please people, coupled with a strong fear of rejection and failure, led to workaholism, severe burnout, and mental breakdown.

It was then that I finally learned about God’s grace… and it made me so angry!

What a strange reaction! But when I finally got that revelation from a book I was reading – Andrew Wommack’s Grace: The Power of the Gospel – I literally threw the book across the room and broke down in angry tears.

I was 44 years old and had spent MY LIFE in church. I sat right next to Jesus for decades, never really knowing Him. All of my hard work – all of the years spent in anguish – meant nothing. It would all blow away meaningless in the end. I had been depending on MYSELF, depending on my own works for salvation, validation, justification, and I didn’t know it until that moment. I was living by the LAW – rules and regulations crafted by ME to save and protect MYSELF – and according to Galatians 5:4, “You are severed from Christ, you who would be justified by the law; you have fallen away from grace.”

Anything not built by GRACE through FAITH is chaff. It is a work of the flesh. What pleases God is not more and more work, but the FRUIT of faith that can only be produced in us by His own Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.

When your life is heavy with FRUIT, your desires change, sin begins to fall by the wayside, work becomes a joy again, and everyone benefits just by being near you… love leaking out, thankfulness overflowing, faith rising and pulling others up with it… because what is coming out of you is authentic and not religious pretending. You truly become a shining beacon, drawing all men to the Father… just by being yourself!

No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.

Matthew 5:15

“This is my ONE life.” Out of the 47 years I’ve been alive, most of that spent in church, I have only had the true revelation of God’s grace, getting to know the REAL Jesus, since 2017. Before that there was so much striving, so much trying, so much working. And now I have freedom and joy that I never knew before. Before, I was bitter and unable to love others. But now, I am surrounded with loving relationships on every side. I have gained MUCH – the Lord has GIVEN me much – and I’m not in a hurry to let go of it! So when trouble comes – when old enemies like fear, depression, anxiety come to visit – I remind myself AND them that THIS IS MY ONE LIFE, and I WILL NOT live it in bondage. Period. I absolutely refuse.

So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

James 4:7

Where freedom begins will be different for each person, and it only comes by praying, seeking God, and asking for His help. But no matter where we begin, it all adds up to letting go of ourselves. And the only way we can do that is by trusting God.

That’s the simple and true answer.

Our fear and anxiety end where trusting God begins. Our need to save ourselves, justify ourselves, make sure our voice is heard and our great works and talents are noticed… ENDS… where trusting God begins. We no longer have to find a way to get doors to open to us when we know that He is the God who “opens doors no man can shut, and shuts doors no man can open,” Revelation 3:7. If God decides we should go a certain way or walk through a certain door, HE will open it FOR us at just the right time in front of our enemies and naysayers. And it’s SO much better to walk through HIS open door than to fall crashing down in pride after we forced a door open that was not for us.

Been there. Done that. And I don’t recommend it.

We are all in a place of needing to trust God more. That’s how it will continue to be for the rest of our lives. But we are far from hopeless! Even more than we want to trust God, He wants to help us learn how. All we have to do is ask. “God, please help me to trust You more.” Simple as that. And He will.

My word for the year: Alignment

Do you have the courage to BE somebody? To finally find your voice and become your true self, the way God created you to be? It’s a lifelong journey. To quote our pastor from this morning’s message… it takes “long obedience in the same direction.”

I don’t usually try to find one word for the year, but I wanted to for 2021, so I prayed and asked God what His word for me would be. Immediately, “alignment” came to mind with this statement:

“Some things were scattered, some things were shattered. It’s time to bring it together.”

I know that’s referring to some hard things I and my family went through over the past few years. Everything that could’ve been shaken was shaken. But I’ve had time to heal, time to gain perspective, and I can stand on my own two feet again. For me, bringing it together means getting back to basics… and back to my first love, Jesus. Putting myself back on the Potter’s wheel…

Here’s My List

For me… it’s spending time with the Lord first thing in the morning. I light a candle – only because I like the ambiance – sit criss-cross on the floor, turn on worship music, close my eyes, and listen to the words. Sometimes I’ll take communion with whatever I have on hand, other times I sit quietly and thank God for what comes to mind. I pray for my family and for our day, and especially for things that are weighing heavy on me, then I read a devotional and daily Bible.

For me… it’s continuing to watch my eating during the week and keep up with my exercise routine. Drinking water, taking vitamins, going to bed on time. I need to lose weight and it’s not going to happen all by itself. I know, I tried that already……

For me… it’s holding to my simple daily chores at home, and instructing my children to do the same. I’m not naturally a great housekeeper, so I need a routine for this. The simpler the better! Having lived a previously depressed and stressed-out life, a messy house is like having a hole in my boat. It causes my life to begin sinking toward heaviness and anxiety. You have to know your triggers… and that’s one of mine.

Finally… for me… it’s keeping my eyes to the road before me, forsaking all others, so I can follow closely after the Lord. So closely that I am covered by the dust from His feet. Letting go of myself, all I have to do is what I know is right for me to do… “long obedience in the same direction”… and He will take care of everything else.

What is it for you?

The Lord will accomplish that which concerns me;
Your [unwavering] lovingkindness, O Lord, endures forever—
Do not abandon the works of Your own hands.

Psalm 138:8