Therefore I [Paul], a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.
Ephesians 4:1 NLT
As God’s dear children, we are to imitate Him in everything we do, living a life filled with love, and following the example of Christ (Eph 5:1). There is no one who exemplified unity more than Christ, which makes sense because He was perfect and lived a sinless life. I’m sure we would all agree that we are less able to do that perfectly by quite some margin.
Jesus anchored His entire life in perfect oneness with the Father. In earnest, He prayed continually for the unification of His followers… “that they would all be one, just as You and I are one” (John 17:21). He prayed for everyone who would ever believe through His disciples’ teaching to be unified with each other and with the Lord so the world would believe the message of Christ.
In John 17:22-23, Jesus prayed, “I have given them the glory You gave me, so they may be one as we are one. I am in them and You are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that You sent me and that You love them as much as You love me.”
Unity is the heart of Jesus for all believers, one to another.
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
Ephesians 4:2 NLT
Disunity is part of the human condition. We all experience it from time to time. Every so often, someone comes along that I’m unable to connect with, either initially or over the long term. Isn’t that true for all of us? We all come from different backgrounds, we live very different lives, and even though we may speak the same language, understanding and connection are sometimes difficult to develop.
It’s unfortunate when that happens.
A former coworker of mine had a bad taste in her mouth where I was concerned. She had applied for my position twice, but had been passed over. She was, unfortunately, well-known in our company for negative reasons, but because of the circumstances surrounding my getting the job, I had no doubt that it was from the Lord. I happily stepped into the position, trusting that since God had so miraculously opened the door, He also had a plan for my working relationships.
I was determined that we would eventually be friends. She might not like me in the beginning, but I was going to love it out of her… and that is what I set out to do!
Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
Ephesians 4:3 NLT
I worked with her for three years, and though ours was a rocky relationship all the way through, we were able to connect in a few simple ways. We were both hard workers, we were in the same department, and we were both married women with nearly adult children.
Our interactions were often difficult, and many of them made me angry, so I prayed to see her the way God sees her. In that effort, I came to understand that she had difficult things happening in her life that contributed to her overall unhappiness. We talked and prayed about some of those issues over time, and for a great while, we made slow and steady progress toward a more positive working relationship. What a relief that was! “How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers [and sisters] live together in unity!” (Ps 133:1)
However, true friendship would not be in our future. At the end of our time together, this coworker was invited to leave the company.
I still shake my head at some of the things that happened over the period of those three years, but when I understand that I could easily be just like this coworker, it helps me to check my heart daily and bring it under God’s scrutiny. If I’m going to live my life for the Lord, I can’t allow weeds of bitterness to breed into seeds of discord. They must be showered with forgiveness and plucked out for good!
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with everyone.
Romans 12:17-18 ESV
Unity is a two-way street, but how will we ever be in unity with others if we don’t take the first steps? The Bible doesn’t say, “As far as it depends on what everyone else is doing, be in unity with them IF they are in unity with you.” No… it says, “As far as it depends on ME,” I should live at peace with everyone. I may not be able to connect and be friends with everyone, but I am fully able, through Christ, to be at peace with them in my heart and mind. Not just in my outward behaviors, but in my inward thoughts and attitudes, as well… which is where it really counts.
Ephesians 4 serves as a good model for building the God-kind of unity:
- Ephesians 4:22-24 – You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Put off your old self and put on the new. We are called to forget our old way of doing things and lower our pride, so that God can give us a new mental attitude and teach us a new way to live. This means we put away our old competitive, me-first ways of seeing the world and put others first instead. The Bible teaches us to put on humility and see others as more important than ourselves [Phil 2:2-4]. Every effort to do that will increase unity in every part of our lives. - Ephesians 4:25 – Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
In your anger, do not sin, but speak the truth in love. I’m not an angry person, but I dealt with levels of internal rage in my past. I know firsthand what that first wave of hot anger feels like, and how lashing out in that anger brings something akin to relief. It’s not a sin to be angry. In fact, anger can be a godly emotion according to the Bible. I believe God expects our anger when we have faced injustice of any kind, but He desires to teach us to handle that anger in godly ways, or it can become uncontrollable and seep into every area of our lives.
When anger comes, we don’t have to stuff it down and pretend it’s not there. That’s the exact wrong way to handle that type of strong emotion. However, instead of “giving the devil a foothold” by exploding at those around us, slamming every open door, stomping away in a huff, and stonewalling for days and weeks afterward… we must exhibit a godly level of self-control and take that anger to the Lord. We must put in the work to employ healthy tools for dealing with our anger, immediately praying for God’s help and holding ourselves accountable to Him for our own actions, no matter who or what caused them. In this way, we avoid sinning in our anger. - Ephesians 4:28 – Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Stop “stealing” and focus on the work. Allowing jealousy, competition, and strife to work in us and through us turns us into thieves of unity and peace. Focusing on the work the Lord has given us to do, whether that is in our employment or in service to others within the church, allows us to “stop stealing” by shifting our minds off of ourselves and onto those in need. Unity is cultivated in the common shared work of our hands. If my heart, mind, and hands are occupied in service to the Lord, there is no room for weeds of strife and disunity to grow. - Ephesians 4:29-30 – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Defend the gate of your mouth. I have prayed many, many times, “Lord, put Your hand over my mouth like a gate, that I may speak Your words and pray Your prayers, in Jesus’ name.” My awkward mouth has gotten me in trouble quite a bit. Grandstanding, over-sharing, popping off in frustration or anger. I so desired to be heard that I often spoke in overtime to make it happen. When I finally surrendered to the Lord, He taught me that listening was more important than being heard, and speaking strength to others was so much better than having a haughty spirit. - Ephesians 4:31-32 – Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Let Go and Let God. There’s not always an avenue for open communication with others. We don’t have that kind of relationship, we can’t find the open door. Sometimes the door is open on our side, but not on theirs – like those adjoining hotel rooms with two locked doors pressed against each other. One side can open their door all they want, but the way is blocked unless both neighbors agree to open their doors. In those cases, as far as it depends on us, we must pray for the door to open, bless the person behind it both outwardly and inwardly, keep our hearts from all bitterness, and let the Lord do His own work in that relationship. He doesn’t need our help.
Sometimes we are the one with the closed door, for whatever reason. I know I have been, at one time or another. Whether it’s because of fear or past experiences, give the door over to the Lord and let Him handle it. He will show you the way to healing… and forgiveness, if that’s what’s needed.
It’s the prayers of Christ, spoken long ago and answered throughout all time, that allow us to have connection where it never would have been found before. He brings us together for a common end, to live in peace and to accomplish His works… that our unity and love for each other would testify to the world that we are His.
I pray we work hard to see others through God’s eyes. I pray for God to open those difficult spaces so we can have peace on both sides of that hotel room door. I thank God for bringing people together in His own loving ways, in Jesus’ name.
Broken & Sown 