Remember Grace

First posted five years ago… Apart from His grace we can do nothing.

Sitting here before the Lord, before my life, feeling frustrated, exhausted, burdened… I shouldn’t feel this way.  There are things I know are right to do, and things I know the Lord wants me to do, but they feel so difficult and so heavy.  I know I’m carrying the burden, and I shouldn’t – I know I don’t have to, but I can’t seem to get it to lift.  I know I’m discontent and frustrated with more than a few situations – and I shouldn’t be.  What’s wrong with me? 

And now, in the midst of all this angst, it’s coming out in frustration with my husband and children. Even the air I’m breathing is on my last nerve.  I can hear it in the words I say, feel it in the attitude of my heart.

The truth is, I know I can’t do it.  I can’t do all these things I’m supposed to be doing.  It feels like too much!  I know I can’t change myself, and so much is riding on getting this right.  My kids, my future, my marriage, the lives of others – who else am I touching, influencing?  I don’t want to get this wrong.  I don’t want to get off track and make ignorant decisions out of pride, fear, and doubt… I don’t want to let these things rule my life!  But for days I have had this sinking, overwhelmed feeling in my heart and mind that says, “I can’t do it!” 

“Lord, you’re going to have to help me here because I can’t do this.  I believe in You, I believe in Your Word, but this is too much…  please help me in my unbelief.”

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, ‘I believe; help my unbelief.’

Mark 9:24

As I sat there that day laying everything out on the table before the Lord, immediately I saw a picture of myself in my mind.  I was sitting in a chair, still and quiet, my hands folded before me as in prayer.  I seemed small, but I was at peace. In this picture, I took one small task and finished it… then I took the next small task and finished it… then the next and the next…  Sitting small, quiet, and still before the Lord.

It was so peaceful – and it brought peace to my soul in that moment of honesty and crying out.  I thought, “Oh wow, that’s exactly what I needed to see.”

Lord, help me in my unbelief.

And He did help, without delay.  Peace washed over me at the picture in my mind that seemed to come from out of nowhere, which I knew was from the Father.  It was so simple.  So pure.  It seemed… doable…. and I was immediately encouraged!

It was then that I realized I had forgotten Grace… again…

For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Romans 6:14

I say this in a matter-of-fact way with no condemnation in my heart for myself or anyone else.  Fear, doubt, pride – these are sins, and they are the root cause of many sins.  But these sins are no longer my master.  Though I didn’t feel free in those heavy days I faced, I am free.  That’s why those burdens were lifted off when I was honest with the Lord, and they did not become chains.  I didn’t hide in sin and shame… I didn’t run FROM Him… I ran TO Him. Which has taken me a long time to learn.

One thing I know now that I didn’t know in my old life is this:  I am loved.  Period.

Just the way I am – with all my humanity fully intact – with all my worry, doubt, and fear – I am LOVED.  There’s no stopping it.  There’s no changing it.  It just is.  Jesus loves me, warts and all.  Not in spite of who I am, but because of who I am… because He created me!

I’m not perfect in myself by any stretch of the imagination.  But He is the One who came down from Heaven to save my life.  He wants to hear my thoughts and my fears and my troubles.  He wants to be in on everything – because He IS perfect and He knows the way when I don’t.

“Follow Me,” Jesus said to him.

Luke 5:27

Everything that held me captive in my old life will always fight to come back.  Oh, they want me back in bondage SO badly!  Those things that held me in a panicked state of depression will always want to put the old chains back on me.  This is human life in a human world.  Jesus said, “In this world you WILL have trouble…”  And boy do we!  But sometimes we forget that He also said, “…but take heart!  I HAVE overcome the world,” (John 16:33).

He overcame it.  Not me.  And He’s still the One who overcomes it through me.

The Lord has taught me again and again – and apparently will continue to teach me again and again – that all I’m supposed to do is what I know is right to do between me and Him.  Be faithful in the small things.  He will do the rest.

It’s not my job to feed the five thousand. It’s my job to bring my five loves and two fish.

Dallas Jenkins, Creator of The Chosen

I can’t say it enough… Grace makes all the difference.

There’s a verse that’s often misquoted as “the Lord will never give you more than you can bear.”  What I’ve found to be true is just the opposite.  I am regularly faced with things I cannot bear – WAY more than I can bear on my own – and my ONLY saving grace is that the Lord is with me and gives me His strength.

What that scripture actually says is this:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

I was tempted this week to sink into sorrow and self-pity because of the heavy burdens of worry and fear that I had taken on.  The Bible says that those heavy burdens are never mine, and that I am to cast them on the Lord because He cares for me.  That is His, “way of escape, that I may be able to endure.”  It took actions of faith on my part. 

Grace makes it possible for me to hear what He is saying, in my heart or in His Word, and to respond.  Grace makes it possible to have a soft-hearted connection with the Father, Spirit, and Son.  And if I don’t lean on His Grace… if I try to do it all on my own… it makes what Jesus did for me on the cross ineffective in my life (Galatians 5:4).  It’s Grace or nothing.  And I’d so rather lean on His Grace.