Letting Go of Self

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It is difficult to take hold of something new when our hands are already full. The process of letting go is about putting aside what we know so God can teach us what He knows. It sounds simple, but it’s probably the hardest thing we will ever learn to do. 

If our lives could be seen as a container, what type of container would yours be? There are bowls and pots and cardboard boxes. There are those big plastic ones with lids for our Christmas decorations. I have a box from Hobby Lobby on my front window seat that has a scripture written on it. Or I have a small wooden box with a hand-carved tree on the lid that my brother gave me as a birthday gift. 

What kind of box would your life be?  

If we see our lives as the box of our own making, we might worry more about how it looks on the outside than what it’s filled up with on the inside. 

I might put flowers on my box, or wrap it in fine cloth. I might paint the outside of my box with pretty colors, line it with jewels and gold necklaces, and spray it with expensive perfumes. You might see my box at the mall, or at church on Sunday, and notice its fine decorations. You might wonder where I got the beautiful cloth for my box and imagine how your box would look in something like that. 

But all the while, even after making sure we have the appearance of our “box” together, we are still internally struggling to find a sense of wholeness. Our peace is challenged, and our joy is missing altogether. We go to church, we read our Bible, we give and we serve…

It seems to work for everyone else, why isn’t it working for me?

It might make a difference to know that God doesn’t look at the outside of our box. He is only concerned with what’s inside. And truthfully, there’s a pretty big chance that we don’t know everything lining the walls of our box, or what’s hiding in dark corners and secret closets. 

It’s those hidden things that are stealing our peace. They are the source of our emotional outbursts. They are twisted into the foundation of our comparison, jealousy, envy, strife, instability, and need for control.   

That’s what God wants to get to. He’s just waiting for us to be ready.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on…

Philippians 3:13-14a

There is nothing so powerful in all of this life as letting go. Within the Father’s design, through Jesus Christ, there is nothing so great a healer, nothing so much a peacemaker, nothing so complete in its simplicity and efficiency as letting go. This incredible theme is found throughout Scripture and very little can be done without it. The Father comes with His great love and healing power, and “letting go” is our perfect response.

When we endeavor to loosen our grasp on this life and give it over to the Lord, the thing we are truly seeking is peace. Peace in circumstances, peace in relationships, peace in the storms of life.

Although it touts itself as the answer to all of life’s problems, one of the greatest hindrances to peace is pride.

Pride is Self-Seeking

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

“Oh, my stubborn pride.” This is one of my favorite lines from the movie “War Room,” which I have watched and cried through on many occasions. My own stubborn pride has gotten me into a lot of trouble in life, so I can relate to the message of this movie.

Throughout the storyline, the characters learn the importance of prayer and humility in facing the challenges of life. They struggle with their pride and do things all the wrong ways at first, and then we watch them finally do the work to surrender to God and rely on faith in Him to overcome their obstacles.

The message of War Room is powerful and priceless. I highly recommend it.

Pride is self-seeking, and therefore the opposite of love. If we take 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a into account, and reverse it, we have a perfect picture of pride:

• Pride is impatient.
• Pride is unkind.
• Pride is full of envy. 
• Pride boasts. 
• Pride dishonors others. 
• Pride is self-seeking. 
• Pride is easily angered. 
• Pride keeps a record of every wrong. 
• Pride delights in evil and does not rejoice with the truth.
• Pride always protects itself. Only trusts itself. Always hopes for itself. Always perseveres to get its own way.
• Pride goes before a fall. 

Pride is a counterfeit god who rises up to “protect” me. 

If I have had no voice, pride barges in and interrupts to speak on my behalf. 

If I have had no praise, pride meddles and interferes to highlight my accomplishments. 

If I have had no authority or autonomy, pride stands up to make sure my opinion is finally heard and I finally get my own way. 

If I have lived in guilt and shame, pride takes hands with anger and says, “No more!”

Pride goes before a fall.

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

During those prideful and controlling years of my life, I could only see myself and the wrong that had been done to me. I kept a handwritten list of every painful thing I had ever been through. I rehearsed it and cried over it often as if it just happened yesterday. I couldn’t see past my own pained reflection in the mirror.

I couldn’t see my husband or my sweet children, and was very harsh with them at times. I was shallow, jealous, envious, and addicted to approval and comparison, and therefore unable to maintain any real friendships. Surface-level acquaintances were all I could manage. 

I understand now where those behaviors all started in my life. We do not choose how our lives begin, or the circumstances we will face along the way. Our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents didn’t get to choose, either. 

We do not choose the personality traits and human weaknesses we are born with. We are a combination of our DNA, the outcome of our circumstances, and the calling of God upon our lives.

But what we DO get to choose is how we will respond when the Father comes knocking on our door, ready to rid us of every hindrance and bring us into His healing power. Oh, and He will come knocking. If we listen carefully, we will probably find that He already is. 

Letting Go is Our Perfect Response

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, and He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].

Proverbs 3:5-6 AMP

Letting go of myself is taking hold of Christ. It comes from trust, and is rooted in perfect love. As we learn over time that God’s love for us is perfect and unconditional, our desire to do things His way will grow. Following Him is like following the best friend we’ve ever had who only and always looks out for our best interests… for our good, for the good of others, and for His glory. And He hits the mark every single time! 

He’s that good.

Letting go of myself is letting go of my pride. It’s letting go of the need to protect myself, which is so exhausting, and instead letting God be my strong protector. It is more freeing than we know to give up all that control to One who never slumbers or sleeps. And He’s always got my back.

Letting go of pride means actively humbling myself under God’s mighty hand and asking Him to teach me His ways.

Letting go of pride means asking God to show me who I really am, warts and all… and knowing it’s okay because He already sees me. Maybe I don’t know everything about myself. Maybe I’ve been more concerned about the outside appearance of my “box,” and don’t have it all together as well as I think I do.

No need to feel ashamed here. There’s grace for that! Trust me, I know it all too well.

Letting go of pride is understanding that I am nothing without the Lord. In fact, it’s accepting that when I think I know everything, I really don’t know anything at all (1 Corinthians 8:2-3).

If I will finally put the mirror down and fix my eyes on Christ… if I will allow the Lord to bring me to the end of myself… I will see that He was with me all along, even in the midst of my pain and devastation… loving me, protecting me, and hiding me in the shadow of His wing.

It’s His kindness and mercy that loosen the hold of pride on our lives. His love, faithfulness, and loyalty are completely undeserved, and yet He gives them still. This is what smooths our hands open and lets pride finally fall away.

Letting go of myself is letting go of my own way of doing things. It’s allowing myself to be in submission to the Lord, as one under authority, so that I can follow His instructions to the best of my ability, even when I don’t understand the reasons why. Just like Jesus said, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine” (Luke 22:42). 

Letting go of my way of doing things also means allowing myself to be in submission to human authority, which can be so much more difficult! The Bible says that there is no authority that God has not put in place (Rom 13:1). It says that He moves the heart of our leaders just like He would change the direction of a stream of water (Prov 21:1).  God is in control. He is sovereign over all things.

Letting go of myself is letting go of my need to be seen and heard. The Lord sees me and hears my voice. I am not invisible to Him. Of course I freely share my thoughts, ideas, and opinions with the people in my life. I’m not a robot, and sometimes I still stick my foot in my mouth, as my sweet husband can attest. But there are times when we do not need to be heard, seen, or acknowledged by anyone but the Lord (Especially when we are in the throes of breaking free from approval addiction).

It’s difficult to sit quietly when we believe we know the better way. It’s frustrating to close our eyes and feel like we might bite our tongue completely off when setting someone straight would feel oh, so much better!

But if we will get ourselves out of the way, in one fell swoop, the Lord will open our eyes so we can see the error of our own ways (which we so often do not want to see)… He will speak directly into the heart of BOTH sides of the issue, where only He can speak… and He will be the healer and great defender of all of His children from every direction.

It’s not about me. That is the hardest lesson to learn. It’s not about me. I will not think only of myself. I might be hurting right now, but maybe so are they. We must let God be God on both sides of the fence!

I cannot bring healing, redemption, and reconciliation by sitting on a seat of judgement and sowing seeds of discord. The only right course as I live my life before the Lord who sees it all, is to let go of my preconceived notions and all my high and lofty expectations, and let God do His work by Himself. He does not need my help. I will only get in His way.

But He gives more grace…

James 4:6a

We will always be a work in progress. The cleansing and healing of our deep wounds does not happen all at once.

The Father is not looking for a “quick fix” so He can finally get some work out of you. He loves you and wants to teach you how to trust Him, how to hear His voice, and how to follow so closely after Him that you are covered by the dust from His feet.

In other words, He desires a lasting friendship with you, and that takes time. 

He’s in it for the long haul because He sees who He created you to be, so He will take all the time needed to get you there. All you have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, moment-by-moment, one day at a time.

And you’ll never have to do it alone. He is with you.