THE THREE-YEAR RULE FOR LIFE

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Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.

James 1:12 ESV

This weekend I am sitting in a hotel room near San Antonio waiting for my middle son to finish a marching band camp. It was an unexpected, very last minute road trip that I have thoroughly enjoyed so far.  You just can’t beat having eight uninterrupted hours of one-on-one conversation with one of your children.  I wasn’t sure why this trip popped up like it did, but even if it was just for laughing, sharing, and having some deeper discussions with my kiddo, it was definitely worth it! 

I love my kids SO much. 

Over the past several days, I’ve been pondering a life principle we used with our kids when each of them wanted to be in 6th grade Band at school. I call it the Three-Year Rule for Life.  I actually had the opportunity to hear this from someone I knew at that time, and I’ve been forever grateful that we implemented it.  I still use it in my own life today.  

So here it is… the Three-Year Rule. 

HOW IT GOES

Each of my three kids wanted to play percussion starting in 6th grade.  They were approximately 11-12 years old, and we were excited that they all showed an interest.  My brother played french horn and mellophone in Marching Band… way back in the 1900s… and I loved the experience of going to his marching contests and seeing all the bands compete.  It was awe-inspiring and SO much fun!  

Knowing how difficult it can be to learn how to read music and play an instrument for the first time, we determined that if our children wanted to be in Middle School Band, they had to agree to stay in Band for a minimum of three years.  No quitting allowed!  Only after their third year of Band could they re-evaluate and decide for themselves whether they wanted to quit or continue into High School Marching Band. 

Our thinking was this… 

• In the first year of Band, again at 11 or 12 years old, you really don’t know what you’re doing, so it’s going to be hard. Frustrating. Angering, at times. You might not click with your instrument right away.  You’re not used to practicing and practicing and practicing just to make a sound… or the painful blisters that always come before the protecting callouses.  You’re just now learning how to push through the pain to get to what you hopefully will love in the end.  You’re just getting started!  This is not the time to quit. 
  
• In the second year, you’ve made progress, but you’re still learning, and still somewhat a beginner. You thought you learned how to follow your director last year, but this year he is increasing your requirements, giving you harder music to learn, and setting higher standards for your age group. Band is harder than you realized!  The second year is always harder than the first… and you definitely will want to quit!!!  But it’s not time yet, so keep holding on for just one more year.
  
• The third year is when the magic happens.  You know your instrument, you know the drills and techniques, you are top of the food chain as an 8th grade musician.  You better understand how to follow your leader, you’re starting to interact with incoming 6th graders and lead by example, and you get to play some very cool pieces with the other kids at your level, especially as a percussionist! 

And then there’s “Band Fam.”  There is nothing like having your home completely packed with band kids for each and every one of your children’s birthday parties from 6th through 12th grades.  Band family runs deep! 

If you’re going to fall in love with Marching Band, the third year is like gold, and you will never want it to end. 

HOW IT WENT

Each one of our children wanted to quit in the second year.  They were frustrated, stressed out, angry… usually at their director… and SOOO done. In those moments, they hated Band and begged to be let out of their contract. We listened, we consoled, we understood… but then we stuck to the agreement. They had to stick it out for one more year before they could decide to quit.  That’s the rule. 

To make a long story short… I asked each of them what they wanted to do at the end of the third year, and each one was adamant that they were never going to quit Band!  Our two sons were both in Band for the full seven years, and both, at 22 and 20 years old, are still practicing and growing in their craft today.  

Our daughter was pulled in two directions until the end of 10th grade (5th year in Band).  She was in Band and Theater from 6th to 10th.  At the end of 10th grade, she chose Theatre over Band, and has not regretted the decision.  She still cherishes the best of her band memories and all of her friendships, and now she is excelling as the Junior Captain, soon to be Senior Captain, in Theatre.  

I believe all three of our kids learned hard work, dedication, and relationship-building during their years in Marching Band… which honestly is run like a boot camp 100% of the time.  I can see the positive effects in each of their lives to this day!  

FURTHER APPLICATION

I have also applied the Three-Year Rule to my own life… and you can apply it to yours… which is why I’m sharing this today. 

As we follow the Lord, He often directs us to do things we will struggle with.  That’s how we grow!  He is definitely not opposed to throwing us into the deep end of the pool from time to time.  But without fail, His plans are always for our good, and for the good of those around us!

Maybe we need to learn to set ourselves aside.  Maybe we need to let go of our preconceived notions, and find a new level of humility.  Maybe we have hidden fears and insecurities that only a deep-end situation can correct. In those moments, He leads us to do hard things.  He puts us in situations where we will only succeed if we fully depend on HIM.  

One such situation for me was becoming a small group leader for 6th-12th grade girls at the age of (then) 48 years old!  Ugh, I was nervous… but determined to follow the Lord!

I waited and prayed, and waited and prayed some more, until I finally knew it was God, and then jumped in with both feet.  I’m currently in my third year of serving in this way, and though it’s not always easy, it’s incredibly fulfilling! I credit the simplicity of the Three-Year Rule for this current level of success.

FLESHING IT OUT

When I began serving in Students, I knew it would take one year for me to really feel like part of the leader group.  No one knew me, turnover is high in Student ministry, so no one knew how long I would stick around… I’m much older than everyone, my children are basically grown up, and forming easy camaraderie with people takes time and patience.  I was going to have to “stand and keep standing,” and I knew it wouldn’t be easy. 

Throughout the second year, I struggled with wanting to quit for varying reasons… my age, 7th/8th grade girl attitudes, and feeling out of place even though I knew God called me to do this.  I did everything I could to stay.  I talked to my leaders about how I was feeling, I sought advice and encouragement from a pastor who’d been through my situation, and then I just kept showing up.  By the end of the second year, I was learning that “showing up” and “being myself” were all I really needed to do.  

Just be there and love them… consistently.  Smile at them, hug them, be nice to them… let Jesus love them through you!  Teens flourish in that environment, and then they open up to you when they wouldn’t before. It’s a true blessing.

THE THIRD YEAR IS GOLD

Now ending my third year, I’ve developed mutual love, trust and friendship with my girls. I’ve let go of my preconceived notions about a 50yo mom-of-adults serving with teenagers.  I’ve learned to embrace it.  They need someone exactly like me [exactly like ALL of our leaders] to show up and love them every week.  I’m not their mom, so I don’t need to “mom” them… but I CAN hug them, help them, love them, challenge them, and be their friend.  I have challenged them to grow, held them through their tears, been a calming voice in their stress and anxiety, had fun with them at several camps and retreats… and now we have trust between us.  I remind them to come give me a hug when they see me at church because I’m looking for them!  If they see me first, they come over and give me a hug, and I absolutely LOVE it.  

I know the Lord is instilling things in me during these years as a small group leader in Students that I will need, and cherish, in the future.  It has helped me to get over myself and overcome insecurities that I didn’t expect to be there.  It has helped me develop a deeper love for teens, and an understanding that they carry more than we realize… both negative and positive. They need consistent help, support, encouragement, and unconditional love.  The experience has also reinforced in me the importance of simply being faithful, consistent, and present… God will work out the rest.

THE THREE-YEAR RULE

I credit all of these success stories to the heart of the Three-Year Rule, which really was originally set in motion by God Himself.

• And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
  
• But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7
  
• Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58
  
• But Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back [to the things left behind] is fit for the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:62

When we enter into doing something for the Lord, we have to do it by faith. We don’t know what will happen. We will run into obstacles, and we’ll have to deepen our trust in God more and more along the way. We will want to quit, so we must be determined to overcome!

"Lord, You brought me here.  You set all of this in motion, and now it's hard and I don't know what to do. Show me the way.  Show me what to do, how to respond, how to act.  Help me to grow.  Give me a greater capacity to work.  All of this difficulty makes me want to quit, so show me how to keep standing in Your strength and not my own.  I trust You, God."

The truth of the matter is that God is always speaking through His Word, always working behind the scenes, to accomplish His work in us and through us. Sometimes His purpose is just to teach us how to stay and be faithful to the process. If we will do that, we will gain so much that we never expected! It is only during the long journeys of life that He teaches us endurance, loyalty, faithfulness, grit, drive, and patience. Excellence comes through trial and error, and trial and error, and trial and error again. The heavenly Crown of Life comes through staying when we want to quit (James 1:12).

In the end, we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up. Our work that we do for the Lord will be rewarded. Our labor completed in His strength will not be in vain.  He will never forget how we have loved Him by loving others (Hebrews 6:10).