For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV
It’s okay to have problems. Having a problem does not cancel the calling of God on your life. It doesn’t change your value, it doesn’t make Him see you any differently. His thoughts about you can be trusted. He will never change, He will never leave. His love is unconditional.
I lived much of my former life under a heavy weight of perfectionism. When you are living by the law in this way, every weakness, every flaw, every misstep screams in your face, “You are weak! You’re such a mess! Get yourself together!”
Some will hear even more severe accusations like, “You are unacceptable! You are useless! You are hopeless!” These were the voices in my head for many years.
In those days, my inner mental tape was almost entirely negative, and I spent a lot of time either beating myself up over my mistakes, or checking out of life completely, like one with her head stuck firmly in the sand (and lots of TV sitcoms).
I have made great strides in this area over the past two decades. I have gained so much freedom through Christ by learning about and leaning on His grace. But the temptation to self-doubt is always there.
When I enter into this pattern of coming back under the law instead of grasping firmly onto Grace, I renew the cycle of doubting myself, beating myself up, trying to fix myself, and ultimately failing. It’s vicious, and it undermines the work of Christ in my life. It’s like living with a gaping hole in my boat, and if it goes on long enough, it will shipwreck my faith.
I have unfortunately been there more than once.
But the secret about a shipwrecked faith is that you’re never truly without hope when you take that wreck back to God… and the sooner, the better. The Apostle Paul survived three shipwrecks. I believe that is included in the Bible to give us hope for many things in life!
In this case, when our lives have been dashed upon the rocks by our own actions or by the actions of others, and we don’t feel we can continue on with the Lord any longer, we can take our wreck back to God. He will heal us, strengthen us, and help us find our faith once more.
His door is always open.
Grace upon Grace upon Grace
For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received grace upon grace [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift].
John 1:16 AMP
The law says we have to be perfect, but that is an impossible goal.
Like an overbearing drill sergeant, the banner over our lives becomes, “Get it right! Do more! All in or all out!”
When we are living by the law, it immediately stifles our gifts and shackles our freedom in Christ. When we are working to make ourselves right instead of resting in the work Christ has already done on our behalf, we willingly heap heavy burdens on ourselves, over and over again, until we are exhausted.
This exhaustion leads to illness, so we spend a week in bed. That physical rest gives us the illusion of renewed strength, so we willingly jump right back into the cycle of perfectionism. We say, “Ok, I’m better now. I can DO this!!”
Now that we have taken a break from our heavy burdens and finally feel rested, we walk right back under them and continue where we left off. We heap those rocks and boulders back onto our lives. We return to a pack animal existence that we were not meant for until we make ourselves sick… again. The cycle continues.
This is when nervous breakdowns happen. This is when our ship begins to hit dry ground. (You can feel that, can’t you?) We can only go on like this for so long before it takes us out. We were not created to carry burdens. That’s God’s job, not ours (1 Peter 5:6-7).
But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.
Romans 11:6 ESV
The light of the law shines brightly upon all our imperfections.
That is what it was created to do! It underlines our every mistake, highlights every inconsistency, and brings every insecurity before our eyes until we can’t see anything else.
Living by the law makes us selfish and self-centered. We can’t see past our own reflection in the mirror, or past the end of our own nose.
Instead of connecting with others and forming deep relationships, we will compare ourselves to others… try to gauge what they are thinking of us… and try to make ourselves more like them so we can “fit in” with their expectations.
Instead of loving and serving others with a humble and grateful heart, we will use our God-given gifts as food for idols so we can make ourselves look good to others. We will make our gifts bow down to the idol of self, and the idol of man’s approval.
I know all of this because this is what I did before finally receiving God’s perfect law of Grace… and this is what I do NOW every time I enter back into the cycle of self-doubt and trying to make myself right.
Ugh. It’s super frustrating.
The light of the law is meant to highlight our need for the Law of God’s Grace and our desperate need for Christ. We will never measure up to the letter of the law, and the quicker we stop beating ourselves up and trying to be perfect in and of ourselves, the better it will be for us… and for those around us.
“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 ESV
Holding Hands with Imperfection
There is a scripture in the Bible that perfectly illustrates how to break the cycle of living by the letter of the law so that we can come under the Law of God’s Grace. This is the only answer I have found that actually works directly against condemnation and self-doubt in my life. I return to it often, and I am returning to it now as I remind myself, once again, to come out from under the desire for man’s approval:
“Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.”
Matthew 5:25 ESV
Let’s Work this Out…
We are constantly accused, both day and night.
The bible says that our enemy, the devil, stands before the Lord day and night, constantly accusing us of our sin, mistakes, and imperfections (Revelation 12:10). The voice of the overbearing drill sergeant that comes upon our lives when we are living by the law is his:
You are weak! You are a mess! You will never measure up! You are unacceptable! You are hopeless! I can’t believe you just did that! You should be ashamed of yourself! You’ll NEVER get this right! You should HATE yourself, CUT yourself, KILL yourself……
This is his plan for us. He comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, and he will rob us even unto death if we allow him to do so. If he can get us to live under a heavy weight of perfectionism, he wins. He knows that it will shipwreck our faith in God because it cuts us off from Christ. He knows that it will bring an end to all that God has planned for us.
For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s grace.
Galatians 5:4 ESV
We are handed over to the judge.
Going back to Matthew 5:25, when we are living by the law, we come under the enemy’s accusations because we will never measure up to God’s perfect standards.
When we go with him to court, if we have no defense other than our own works and efforts, he “hands us over the judge, and the judge to the guard,” and we are put into a prison of that cycle of perfectionism, guilt, and shame that I mentioned before.
It is a prison of discipline that is meant to wake us up to our great need for Christ, and lead us back into God’s perfect grace. It is a prison that we choose, but God has a plan to get us out!
As a reminder, perfectionism shackles our freedom in Christ, and cuts us off from Him completely. It makes us selfish, self-centered, and forces us to cast our God-given gifts before idols. It undermines our faith and systematically removes our hope.
The answer to our dilemma can be found in the beginning of Matthew 5:25. We “come to terms quickly with our accuser while we are going with him to court…” Coming to terms with someone doesn’t mean you agree with them. It means that the issue between you has been settled, once and for all. This can only be done by fully accepting the Grace of God upon our lives.
I needed this reminder today. Maybe you did, too.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
Christ is our ONLY defense.
This brings me so much peace. This is how we “come to terms” or “settle” with our accuser. All of these truths can be found in God’s Word, as shown below:
- When the enemy knocks at the door of my mind with his intrusive thoughts about how rotten of a person I am, I give him JESUS. He has cleansed me from all my sin (1 John 1:7), He calls me His child (1 John 3:1), and in my weakness HE is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).
- When the father of all fear barges in with anxiety about the thoughts of others, I give him JESUS. I thank God that HE is mindful of me (Psalm 115:12), and HIS thoughts about me are full of peace and hope (Jeremiah 29:11). I will NOT live by man’s approval, which is the enemy’s TRAP (Proverbs 29:25). I am a servant of Christ, and will NOT live to please people (Galatians 1:10).
- When the one who can ONLY tell lies roars like a lion and pushes up against me with visions of all the most horrible possibilities and worst-case scenarios, I give him JESUS. HE will accomplish everything that concerns me (Psalm 138:8). HE fights for me (Exodus 14:14) and will provide for my every need (Philippians 4:19). I will not fear, for HE is with me… He upholds me with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).
- When the accuser of God’s children reminds me of past failures and makes me feel like an imposter, I give him JESUS. My true identity is found only in CHRIST (Galatians 2:20). I am who HE says I am (1 Peter 2:9). I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
It’s Time to Take Back Your Joy
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”
John 1:16 AMP
When we commit a sin, the Holy Spirit convicts us of that sin and leads us into confession and repentance. We confess that sin, we receive God’s forgiveness, and we do our best to run from that sin and not do it anymore.
In that moment, we should have complete freedom from condemnation.
Any guilt or shame or condemnation that comes after true repentance is NOT from God. That is false guilt that is brought onto us by the enemy. He has no right to do that, so you have every right to resist his accusations (James 4:7), take authority over your own mind through Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), and command him to stop, in Jesus’ name (Luke 10:19).
The more you do this, the LESS his condemnation will come pouring over your mind like hot coals. After you have submitted yourself to God, if you will resist the devil, then he will flee (James 4:7).
When we exhibit human failure, instead of beating ourselves up for that failure, we should run to God and revel with joy in the fact that we definitely need His help! I rejoice often that I need Jesus and He is always with me, always helping me, always showing me the way.
In this way, I take back the full, complete, and overflowing JOY that Jesus died for me to have. It’s the least I can do after all He’s done for me.
I have told you these things so that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy may be made full and complete and overflowing.
John 15:11 AMP
Broken & Sown 