Everyday Boundaries

Ahh, Spring Break… Sitting at home in my favorite chair lazily watching the sunrise on a Monday morning feels like my favorite thing in the world right now. Hot cup of coffee, PJs and cozy socks still intact, nothing to do for at least three more hours. I’m in heaven.

This week we are prom dress shopping, going to the zoo, meeting with friends, staying up late, sleeping in… and getting a cavity filled. Sounds fun, huh? Yeah, we might reschedule that last bit…

Anyway, on to our subject.

“You set a boundary that they may not pass, so that they might not again cover the earth.”

Psalm 104:9

For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the importance of having healthy, everyday boundaries. If you’ve read my blog at all, you know that I used to have so many problems, but Jesus set me free. That is the reason I share my story pretty openly. There are real answers to the problems we face in life, and we don’t have to trudge completely alone through daily misery. We can be free, at peace, and full of joy… even in the midst of trouble.

And honestly, it all begins by developing a real relationship with the real Jesus. There’s no other way to obtain lasting peace. Peace that comes from any other source is temporary and will leave you empty in the end.

Been there, done that.

Everyday Boundaries

Did you know that you have authority over every thought that enters your mind? I didn’t know this in my former life. I was a people-pleaser, and because I did not know who I truly was, I had no boundaries.  I seemed to always be overrun by something.  Fear, insecurity, victim mentality, depression, worry, anxiety… 

At any given moment, any thought that knocked on my mental door was allowed to come in, take over, and cause storm after storm in my mind.  In the place of what should have been a solid door with a strong lock, the framework of my mind seemed to have no protection whatsoever (Proverbs 25:28, shown below). 

The old standards were thoughts like, “you’re not good enough,” “you’re going to fail,” “you can’t do this,” and “you’ll never make it!”  

These were accompanied by the all-too-regular “people” worries – “I can’t believe you said that to this person today,” “that person is mad at you,” “they seem to be avoiding you,” “they didn’t speak to you at church today,” “you need to figure this out,” and “you’re going to have to FIX this.” 

I constantly found myself apologizing for anything I may have done to offend someone, always so afraid that I unknowingly did or said some horrible thing, but the person in my focus usually didn’t know what I was talking about.  Sound familiar?

“Like a city that is broken down and without walls [leaving it unprotected] is a man who has no self-control over his spirit [and sets himself up for trouble].”

Proverbs 25:28

Did you know that all of the toxic thoughts listed above are complete lies that have absolutely no power over us? We can choose whether or not to believe them. We can command them to go and never come back. We can replace them with the truth when we have proper, scriptural mental boundaries!

Boundaries will look different for every person, but here are a few that I believe apply to all of us:

BOUNDARY #1 – I WILL BELIEVE GOD’S WORD OVER EVERY OTHER VOICE.

Of course not! Even if everyone else is a liar, God is true. As the Scriptures say about Him, “You will be proved right in what you say, and you will win your case in court.”

Romans 3:4

When we say we believe in God, what do we really mean by that? Do we simply mean we believe He exists, or do we mean we believe Jesus died to save us and set us free? If we mean the latter, then we do ourselves a disservice when we don’t study God’s Word and apply it to our lives. God’s way is better, and His Word is the only power that can set us free.

When the enemy begins spewing his terrible lies about you, make him face the truth.

• I am a child of God! (Romans 8:16)
• I am redeemed from the hand of the enemy! (Psalm 107:2)
• I am above only and NOT beneath! (Deuteronomy 28:13)
• When I RESIST the enemy, he MUST flee! (James 4:7)

BOUNDARY #2 – I WILL CHOOSE TO LET GO AND LET GOD

“The Lord will accomplish that which concerns me; Your [unwavering] lovingkindness, O Lord, endures forever— Do not abandon the works of Your own hands.”

Psalm 138:8

It is our responsibility before the Lord to know and obey His Word, and to do what He has directed us to do. Everything else is up to Him. We are disobedient when we worry, struggle, and strive. I remind myself of this on a regular basis, and even have a boundary set for myself that says, “I will not worry, struggle, or strive. I will trust God and apply His Word to my situation.”

People-pleasing and approval addiction come with their own particular set of convincing lies, and “fixing” things is at the core of every single one of them. I’m not good enough, so I have to fix myself. I did not please this person, so I have to fix our relationship. I am unacceptable to God, so I have to fix it by earning my own salvation through abusive levels of self-sufficiency.

For me, Boundary #2 is all about placing myself fully into my Father’s care and trusting Him with the outcome. I don’t have to worry about what anyone thinks of me when I am obeying God’s Word and following His commands. I don’t have to worry about what God thinks of me when I am resting in His grace and trusting in His gentle care. Here’s the phrase I repeat to myself for this boundary:

• All I have to do is what the Lord put on my heart to do, just between me and Him. He will take care of the rest.

When the temptation to people-please in a relationship is overwhelming, I will put that relationship completely behind my back and into God’s hands. I will put my blinders on and do my best to listen ONLY to God’s voice when it comes to that person. Otherwise, I put myself in danger of returning to my extremely addictive old habits. Until the Lord brings healing to my mind and spirit in that relationship, I treat myself like a literal alcoholic and run the other way.

I have seven times experienced healing in this type of situation, and every time, God worked it out without needing any input from me. Every one of those relationships is either healthy or separated now with zero temptation toward approval addiction. I praise God for that!

BOUNDARY #3 – I WILL NOT ALLOW THE PAST TO COME BACK

“Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious].”

Ephesians 6:13 AMP

Whatever spiritual victory you have had in your life, whatever the Lord has freed you from, I guarantee you that it will always try to come back. The old strongholds want to become strongholds again. In many cases, the temptation will just no longer affect you. I’m no longer overly moved by the temptation to think bad things about myself, but I do still struggle with naturally falling into self-sufficiency. As a first-born former people-pleaser, it’s my natural bent, so I have to be purposeful about depending on God in all things (Galatians 2:20 is my go-to here).

Holding to healthy boundaries takes practice, especially when we have been super unhealthy in an area. We must remember that it is God who is setting us free. He is the one who is helping us place our boundaries, and He is the One who is constantly helping us to overcome. He never stops speaking, He never quits helping, His power and interest never fade.

As a side note, and because it’s a fun way to end… I overcame my fear of heights (and subsequent death) by riding super tall roller coasters. I will continue doing that as long as I am able because I want to keep my freedom in that area for the rest of my life. I have ridden a roller coaster that was once the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world (Millennium Force, now the eighth tallest) and I loved it! I rode it three times!

Being the tallest roller coaster and the first to top 300 feet wasn’t the only record broken when [Millennium Force] opened in 2000. It debuted having the longest drop and the fastest speed topping out at 93 m.p.h. Ranking as one of the world’s best steel coasters year after year since its opening, this behemoth shoots riders over hills, past lagoons and through tunnels, all at unthinkable speeds.

CedarPoint.com

In what area of your life would YOU like to be free, even if it seems like the scariest thing in the world? Would you take the tiniest step of beginning to place a boundary in that area today? Make sure to pray and ask God to help you. We can only follow Him as He shows us how.

Much Love!

“For He strengthens the bars of your gates and blesses the children within you. He makes peace at your borders; He fills you with the finest wheat. He sends forth His command to the earth; His Word runs swiftly.…

Psalm 147:13-15