Dads and Daughters

A daddy is a daughter’s first love. He is the covering of protection over her life… the watchman upon her walls. A father is the strong foundation upon which a daughter stands. He provides confidence, support, and unconditional love. He lends his strength to overcome challenges, and teaches endurance during times of growth. He leads. He stands. He protects. He loves. He stays.

“Daddy” doesn’t work out for every little girl, myself included. Sometimes there is no father in the picture. Other times, he just doesn’t come around because it hurts him too much. Either way, many children live out of the overflow of their father’s absence. But God has a better plan for these… children and adults alike…

When I wrote the first paragraph, I was actually thinking of Jesus. He has “re-fathered” me many times over, even through my own earthly father, and he can do the same for you…

Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—
    this is God, whose dwelling is holy.

Psalm 68:5

I visited my dad in the nursing home last weekend. It was good to see him, but we kept the visit to about an hour because they were in “Covid Outbreak” status. It’s just under a two-hour drive to get down there, so I usually take my daughter with me and we make a day of it (my favorite part of these visits). Even though they don’t really know each other, she likes to draw “Papa Dan” pictures like the one shown above, and pin them to the wall in his room. He loves it so much.

Dad was a full-on “country boy” and jack-of-all-trades all his life. He made wrought iron fences, poured cement, and laid brick. He owned and operated a machine shop during the oil field days, and experienced great success and even greater loss. (My brother and I used to chase “horny toads” in the lot behind the shop when we were little.) He went to school to learn appliance repair and owned a small repair shop. He also worked in the HVAC business for a number of years, installing systems in newly built homes. I believe he also hung new garage doors for a time, and probably did a number of other things I’m not aware of. Then he moved to the country and worked in a factory while becoming a farmer on the side.

Dad finally settled into small-time farming with his wife and son, my youngest brother… raising goats, cows, a few chickens, and a small garden.

Dad had a stroke about five years ago, which left him paralyzed on the left side. The person he used to be… larger than life, living off the land, building his dreams, and tinkering with genius-level ideas in the shop… is gone, and it’s hard to remember how he used to be.

Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Exodus 20:12

There’s so much to the story between me and my dad, both good times and bad. A lot of water has passed under the bridge where he is concerned, and although there are many things I wish had been different — and some things that can still make me angry — the Lord has helped me to find peace.

Just over a year ago, I had a dream about my dad and the Lord put it on my heart to visit him once a month. I haven’t been perfect with it because it’s a difficult thing, but I visited many times in 2021, and I am still striving to reach that goal of once a month in 2022.

I do this because I know the Lord has a purpose in it. How could He not? For God to turn to me and say, “now you go bring comfort to your father in his old age” can be nothing other than an open door of opportunity for healing, growth, and ministry. It’s a chance to put myself aside and let the past be repaired! A chance for God to show him how it’s done through one of his own children. And my father may not see the whole story yet, but God is definitely working on his heart.

Last year’s visits were more sad than anything else. It’s not a fun place for my father to be, and he has a lot of time to think about his past regrets, which are many. THIS YEAR, however, my daughter and I decided that WE will be in charge of how these visits go from now on! We started taking a snack to share, art supplies for some amazing “farm art,” pictures and videos of the kids’ activities, and next time we’ll take a song to share, a scripture and a Bible story to read to him, and we’ll end our visit with prayer.

This is how our heavenly Father sows into US, so this is how WE will sow into my earthly father. This is how it’s done.

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him.

Psalm 103:13

I have learned to Let Go of who I always wanted my dad to be. He is who he is, and nothing but God can change that. Acceptance, through God’s help, is probably one of the most internally healing states of mind a person can achieve.

The Lord has taught me to Forgive my Dad by showing me that he didn’t really know what he was doing. If we could all see through God’s eyes — through God’s heart — we would choose differently, wouldn’t we? So would my dad. He didn’t have perfect parents, no one does. And the generations before him passed some severely messed up stuff into my dad’s DNA. He might not have done what was best, but he did better than some of those who went before him… and maybe that’s what really counts.

And now that my letting go and forgiveness are NOT BASED on my Dad, but based on the Father and His Word, I am strengthened and free to Sow a better way of doing things… not only into my own future with my children, but also back into my own father… which is a miracle in itself.

The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the LORD of hosts. And in this place I will give peace…

Haggai 2:9

These days, I am surrounded on all sides by amazing men. I have a husband who is working to end the trail of tears where dads are concerned in our family line. And I now have THREE fathers in place of one… including my own dad, whom the Lord restored to me.

Because of His great love, God gave me a step-dad in the summer between 5th and 6th grades who is kind, loving, hilarious, hard-working, present, and super awesome! Not to mention, the best Grandpa ever! (Just ask my kids!) And we can’t forget my amazing Greek-by-marriage father-in-law, who is the best Poppou ever! (Also, ask the kids…) All three are special to me in many ways, and I am thankful to God for each of them.

I have brothers and sons and uncles… not to mention friends and father-figures to spare. I am a blessed wife, mother, sister, friend… and daughter.

Friends, God can be trusted. His love for you is greater than you can imagine, and His strength to change things for the better is completely unmatched in this world. I pray we stop for a minute and open our hands to let Him have what we hold onto so tightly. He cares for us more than we know… and He wants to heal us completely. In Jesus’ name.