Not Without You

I took a long walk tonight. I love the sound of my athletic shoes scuffing along the paved road. It’s relaxing. I don’t listen to music or podcasts; I walk in silence and let my mind wander through the events of the day, or the current issues of life. I do my best internal work while walking alone through neighborhood streets.

It’s like medicine for my soul.

As I ponder the events of my life, most of my evening walks naturally flow into prayer. I pray through issues, doing my best to put everything on the table before God, warts and all. I want the Father to have ALL of my junk so I can be healed. Nothing held back, nothing hidden. No secrets between me and God… as if there ever could be in the first place. He knows me better than I know myself, and He sees everything.

And He loves me still. (sigh)

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

Proverbs 19:21

Tonight my thoughts and prayers dove into hopes and dreams, and plans and visions, for the future. I spent time asking God to breathe Life and Grace into all the cracks and crevices, seen and unseen, and to bring about His will in ways that only He can.

Insert my imperfections here.

Sometimes I struggle with fear and doubt. Sometimes I struggle with taking God at His Word. I think we all do this in one way or another. In this way, we are all in the same boat, which should give us a sense of peace. When we realize we’re not alone, it gives hope and faith a chance to rise up.

And if I know anything about hope and faith… they were made to rise up! We just have to get ourselves out of the way and let them do it.

That’s what I do with prayer. I confess my struggle to God, and I ask Him to help me in my unbelief (Mark 9:24). Then I ask Him to help me pray the way He would pray… in faith, according to His Word, believing for BIG things, and withholding nothing…

I do this because, when my prayers are answered, I want to know it was Him who did it, not me. I want to know with everything in me that these things have only happened because my Father got involved. And here is the truth of the matter: It is only in acknowledging, and even boasting in, my own gaping weaknesses that I can fully rely on His great and perfect strength (2 Cor 12:9-10). Apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15:5).

Not Without You

Reading tonight in Exodus 33, Moses said, “If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here.” Friend, that’s how I feel about my life. My heart wants to progress in every area! I want every amazing thing I have dreamed to be accomplished… but not without Jesus.

My dreams may be big, but I would rather live a small, quiet life than to “have it all” without Christ. How would I ever survive? I mean, honestly… Do you know what kind of a basket case I would be without Jesus? He has done so much for me!

And in light of all He has done, I want to be loyal to Him, for He has been loyal to me. I want to be faithful to Him, for He has been faithful to me. I want to be His friend, for He has been my closest and most constant friend all my life.

In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” He goes on to say…

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He may give it to you.

John 15:15-16 ESV

Jesus has given me everything. He has loved me with His whole heart… and I want to do the same for Him. Withholding nothing.

I know it’s not the same, and I know He’s going to have to help me every step of the way, but I want my life to show that I am His friend. I want my life to show that I choose Him and follow Him, forsaking all others.

“If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here.”

Exodus 33:15

The Father had just told Moses that because of the stubbornness of Israel, He would no longer travel with them on the road to the promised land. Israel was stiff-necked and prideful, trying so hard to do things their own way, and they had come to the point where they were going to have to trust God and do things His way if they wanted to continue walking with Him.

Sound familiar, lol? I’ve so been there, and maybe you have, too. Lord, forgive my own stubborn, stiff-necked pride. So thankful for all Jesus has done, and is doing, for me.

In that Exodus 33 moment with God, as Moses intercedes for Israel, I can just imagine him saying, “If You’re not coming with us, what are we even doing this for? What has been the point of all this pain and heartache? Who are we if we are not Your children? You HAVE to come with us, Lord! We will not survive without You.”

And then the most beautiful thing happens. The Lord responds…

He says, “I will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Then He says, “This very thing you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight and I know you by name.”

Ahh! Can you imagine what that must’ve been like? That’s where I want to live… in the kindness and favor of God, knowing that He knows me by name. And I know I am not alone in that desire.

If you are anything like me, I want to say this as a reminder to us both…

Take heart, dear friend, for Christ has done all of this for us! We cannot earn the presence of God, and we cannot work ourselves into His love (Ephesians 2:8-9). Because of the sacrifice of Jesus, we no longer go in and out of the presence of God. He is with us always (Matthew 28:20). He will never leave us nor forsake us (Deut 31:6). We are hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3), hidden in the shadow of His wing (Ps 91:4), hidden in the cleft of the Rock and He covers us with His own hand (Exodus 33:22).

And that is beautiful..

We have friendship with God because He gave us His friendship as a free gift. And the only way that we can be His friend in return is through His own strength. Wow! He desires our all, and He helps us to give Him our all, withholding nothing. THAT is the grace and kindness of a loving God.

Our response to all of this? Simple actions of faith. We don’t despise small beginnings (Zech 4:10). Baby steps are still steps. Moving forward is all that matters (Phil 3:13-14). Having trouble with trust? Tell Jesus, and be honest with Him, and yourself, about why. Let Him in. That’s where it all begins.

Praying we trust Him more. Praying we follow Him with our whole hearts. Praying we take Him at His Word. In Jesus’ name.