Joy in My Bones

It’s been quite a week. I sit here, freshly showered in my ages-old flannel pants and super soft red t-shirt, shaking my head at this week.

This Saturday is my husband’s 50th birthday party, for which he’s invited nearly 200 people to stop by our moderately-sized 1970’s home for a quick bite to eat. My husband doesn’t believe in leaving any friends behind, so every friend is a friend for life. (I love that about him.) We’ll eat ’til the food runs out, and then we’ll have cake!

As a parent of three teens, you never know what life will be like from one week to the next. <pray for us> I’ll leave it at that, and just keep shaking my head at this week. Lord, help us all.

From a wonderful vision night for church volunteers, to a fun, but sweaty, first-of-three-days working on the Band Boosters team registering kids for the upcoming year of marching band…

And now I think you can more clearly see what I mean. It’s been a whirlwind of a week.

So here I sit, clean and comfy drinking ice water to cool down, and I’m amazed. By looking at everything that’s gone down this week, you’d think I would feel exhausted, stressed, worried, or burdened, but I don’t.

I expected to come home, shower, and plop right into bed, but I didn’t.

Every day this week, I have felt this pressing urgency in my spirit to work, to serve, to get out and do more… not just for work’s sake, but to connect and to serve in my home, in my church, and in my community. To be used up, poured out, completely spent in devotion and service to the Lord. And every step in that direction feels like pure energy. It feels like this verse from Jeremiah…

If I say, “I will not remember Him or speak His name anymore,” then my heart becomes a burning fire shut up in my bones. And I am weary of enduring and holding it in; I cannot endure it [nor contain it any longer.]”

Jeremiah 20:9 AMP

That’s how I feel tonight, like I’m going to burst with energy if I don’t move forward. I have spent the last two years resting, healing, preparing for a new season of life and ministry… and all of a sudden, here it is.

I recognize this feeling and know it’s the energy of God’s Spirit working in me, and I don’t want to let it slide, or try to shake it off. I want my life to mean something. I want to take all the Lord has done for me and use it to help others. I don’t want to be free all by myself. I want my life to shine like a lighthouse drawing all people to the Father.

So where do I go from here? I stay faithful in the “small things,” the home life and routines that protect the foundation of my life. I keep up with my commitments and do my best to work hard, and to connect with those around me. And I rest in the fact that the Father is taking care of everything, no matter what. He is good, and His purposes for me are trustworthy.

So, all that to say… whatever it is, Lord, wherever You’re leading… here I am, send me.

A Glimpse of My Story

I’ve been set free from depression, overwhelming anxiety, and panic attacks. Where my heart used to be jealous, competitive, selfish, and fearful, I now have peace and joy deep in my bones. I thought I had to earn God’s love and my salvation by working hard and being perfect, but He taught me that His love cannot be bought or sold; it is a gift He freely gives.

If I can be free of all these things, so can you. God does not show favoritism (Acts 10:34), and you were not made to carry burdens (Psalm 55:22). It’s time to learn how to let go. The Lord will accomplish ALL that concerns you (Psalm 138:8).